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beah
Buh. So, for the last six or so months I've been double sad about living at home and not going to school or working, and I went through a bad depression. I cried more than a little about futility and bleakness and all that downer debbie business - and now that I'm finally leaving and going back to school, I'm tearing up at the slightest inclination because I am terrible at growing up.

The kicker is saying goodbye to my mom's wonderful boyfriend - who I kind of thought wasn't my biggest fan due to the whole "not contributing to society" thing - and him making a pouty face and saying he didn't know what he was going to do without me around the house.

I'm emphatically nervous about living with other people again and having to attend classes and write papers and give speeches. It's been a very long time since I've had any extended interaction with anyone who wasn't related to me and thus contractually obliged to like me. Here's hoping that I can be charming and hilarious and not turn into a leaky faucet every time someone brings up "Slipping Through My Fingers."

 
 
beah
23 January 2010 @ 09:52 am
Finally realized the character arc for my main's love interest in the ol' nano novel. So today will be a day filled with editing all the crap out of the fruits of November. Hooray!

I leave for school in exactly 7 days and literally could not be more excited. There's something to be said for having no responsibilities and living on the internet for six months, but I cannot wait to be a student again. And as an added bonus, I managed to get into the newest dorm on campus, which happens to include three awesome friends to ease the transition. Life is good.

 
 
beah
SO my dear mother couldn't pay the phone bill this month b/c she paid for my registration deposit for Oshkosh.

This is just not a good day.

 
 
beah
The M&Ms meet Santa commercial was just on! Which legally means that it's officially the christmas season! Yeaaah!

 
 
beah
02 December 2009 @ 02:06 pm
It is REALLY HARD to transition from the frenzy of writing total crap to the fixing stage for my nano novel. I'm editing a bit, and I keep seeing places where I could add a word or two to up my word count, and I have to physically restrain myself from doing so. Yeesh.
 
 
 
beah
24 November 2009 @ 12:24 am
nano  
“I am awake, adoring subjects! What exactly is it you want with me at this ungodly hour?” Noah demanded, dramatically throwing his right forearm over his eyes and tossing his head back on the pillow.
Sandra, however, was having none of his theatrics on this particular morning.
“I am having none of your theatrics on this particular morning!”

Good old Sandra, telling it like it is. I should have made HER my main character. Pleh.

 
 
beah
10 November 2009 @ 06:34 pm
"And while it might indeed be chivalrous to carry her, as you say, it would be most unchivalrous to leave you to your own devices, impressively large and thus supportive as your feet may be.”
“My feet are not impressively large!” Penelope denied vehemently. “Your head is impressively stupid!”


Maybe it's things like this that convince my mother that Penelope is an avatar for myself.
 
 
beah
03 November 2009 @ 01:59 am
I actually reached my word count today AND I got accepted into UW-Osh! Factoring in the dozen or so fun size butterfingers I ate, this may go down in history as the best day of my life.
 
 
beah
02 November 2009 @ 06:31 pm
I feel like I have this truly excellent world built in my head, but if I write it down I'll ruin it somehow - characterize someone incorrectly, write dialogue they would never say, or just completely get a chain of events wrong. Bleh bleh.
 
 
beah
21 October 2009 @ 12:35 am
I made great strides in characterization today, not least by changing my MC's opening moment from crying to cursing. It's not intentional but this story keeps turning into one giant gender inversion (I am completely and madly okay w/ this). My working title is "This is Caketown," but being as it's a vaguely medieval tale about the importance of love and family and the difference between vengeance and justice, maybe that isn't the way to go.

Hooray for having a purpose!

 
 
 
beah
So the latest symptom of depression to manifest itself is complete and unabashed lack of appetite. In the last two days I've eaten the equivalent of approximately two or three full meals and, I don't know, I just don't care enough to eat more? This is probably the sort of thing I should be fixing. But, as I mentioned: apathy.

Funnily enough the exact opposite is my problem w/ the story I'm writing. (I wibbled for a full minute over whether or not "writing" should have been in sarcastic quotation marks.) I have all these big ideas and I've written a little bit, but now that it actually exists I'm too emotionally involved and I'm afraid that I'll muck it up if I go any further.

Bleh bleh bleh if something good would happen to me soon that would just be the best.

 
 
beah
15 October 2009 @ 02:20 pm
My last university won't release my transcript so I can apply to a new university until I pay off or defer my student loans; I can't defer my loan until I enroll in a new university.

WHAT THE BALLS.

 
 
beah
I kind of got a symbolic haircut after breaking up w/ a boyfriend who was 100% against me cutting said hair; unfortunately this haircut was done at home and not by anyone trained in the ancient art of haircuttery.

I have realized that this is the exact same haircut I had when I was in the seventh grade; it didn't look good then and predictably does not look good now. Now my dilemma is, do I (a) be patient and allow my hair to grow to a reasonable adult length again or (b) go even shorter so at least it's edgy and cute instead of a chubby middle schooler's haircut. The problem is that (b) is much more appealing to me b/c being patient is just the worst, but if it goes wrong I end up with a much-prolonged version of the patience outlined in (a). Also my sister doesn't want me to get a bob b/c she claims it's too similar to her own hair. Which, as you know, means that now I have to get a bob.

 
 
beah
Broke up w/ le boyfriend last night and was telling dear mother about it this morning. I said, "He was making me feel terrible and dragging it out forever."

She sagely replied, "Well you have to think of yourself b/c no one else will." Long pause. "Except me."

So I guess I'm dating mcshep and merlin/arthur again. This does not displease me.

 
 
beah
24 September 2009 @ 06:34 pm
I've been toying w/ the idea of doing NaNoWriMo this year; I think it would be helpful for me to have a creative outlet, so I've been spending a lot of time doing research on tvtropes. To be fair probably an equal amount of time is spent creating a tab explosion as is spent actually being productive, but hey that's what the internet is for.

I make little notes to myself and then a few days later I have no idea what they mean. Examples: "oscar and andy - big gay angels?" and "penises?" and "interrupting cow - chekhov's skill" Seriously I don't know why I never learn.

My dear mother has been grating on my lately; ever since she got a job after three months of unemployment she's been acting like my unemployment is the most irritating thing in her life. I'd like to bring up how her joblessness throughout my entire high school career caused me to be the mooch in my group of friends just to prevent starvation but I don't want to open that particular can of worms. It's not as though I haven't tried - I have literally applied for a job at every business in a 20 mile radius, it's just that the economy is a shit right now and nobody wants to hire. I could also mention that she is the one who moved me away from my secure, well-paying job, but that is a similar worm-filled can I would rather keep closed. It's like a study in hypocrisy and I am tiring of it. Bleeaghgh okay rant over. Now onto the good things!


SEVEN DAYS OF GOOD, HAPPY THINGS

day 01 | a song
day 02 | a picture
day 03 | a book/ebook/fanfic
day 04 | a site
day 05 | a youtube clip
day 06 | a quote
day 07 | whatever tickles your fancy

One of my new favorite books is a darkly funny look at history called Doomed Queens: Royal Women Who Met Bad Ends. It tells the stories of the victories and defeats of queens, from 500 BCE to the 20th century, including the insane Olympias, the hilariously named Empress Wang, and the inspiring Boudicca. I can't recommend this book enough to any lady who loves being filled w/ girl power and righteous indignation.